When I first realized my marriage was on the rocks I spoke to many of my friends about it. Most were very supportive and had lots of suggestions. Once they all realized that my marriage wasn’t just hitting a rough patch but most likely ending an interesting thing began to happen. I began to categorize my friends in three groups.The Fixers
The Sympathizers
The Unconditional Supporters
The Fixers - no matter what I would say they felt that it could be fixed with a quick word or two. “Go to counseling, communicate more, make a date night, etc”. They really didn’t want to hear the truth. They didn’t want us to get divorced because it affected them as well. We have a circle of friends and this would break it up. After a while, they started to question my motives. WTF?
The Sympathizers - fellow divorcees. These are mostly women who have been down the road of divorce and are self-proclaimed ‘experts’. They give advice freely and without being asked. One can learn a lot from this group, although sometimes they can be a bit overzealous.
The Unconditional Supporters - my true friends. Leave it to a divorce to weed out the weak. These are my Peeps. They support me. Period. I don’t have many Unconditional Supporters, but I cherish them. These are friends for life. I pay homage to these few and hope someday I can pay them back in kind.
7 comments:
I've been drawn in by your writing and the way that you have expressed your feelings and shared your thoughts with us online.
I think you'll find that you have a lot of unconditional support from your readers online as well.
Hope that you eventually receive support from all three groups as you take the next steps forward...
Did you hit the nail on the head with this post beautiful! I'm living it right now as I start telling more and more people about my impending divorce. They're falling into the very same categories. Learning from the second group, but boy they never give up do they? :)
I'm sure you'll be equally supportive when you need to be, Anna. Actually, I had a fourth group - the Couldn't See Them For Dust-ers. Not the one's I thought it would be, either. People will always surprise you, I find...
TJ - Thank you. I truly appreciate your kind words.
Art - Good luck, Art. I hope you have a few Unconditional Supporters on your side.
WDKY - Yes, people do surprise you. It's quite amazing.
Seems to be true of any major potthole in life. Don't forget about the Capitalists who seem to want to cash in on your misfortune.
Boy, I remember that stuff. Wel, that's behind me and I look forward to it being behind you. That's for your sake. But, in a way it's like going to Iraq.
Some people think you should go kicking and screaming, other think your chest should be all puffed out. It's going to happen, you make the best out of it and drive on.
I don't mean to rant on you.
In the words of Son Volt, "May the wind take your troubles away"...
MM- I agree. I have a good feeling I already know which friends will remain around and which ones won't.
PM - Yes, true friends will stick around the rest, well....
Chuck - I haven't identified any of these types yet and I hope I don't. ;)
AI - I think any kind of life changing event will cause people around you to act different. I guess it's human nature, but so often people become self centered and forget what true friendship is all about.
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