Thursday, December 29, 2005

On The Road

I am currently sitting in my hotel room in San Diego, CA. My boss requested late last week I go to Yuma, AZ. What a Christmas present! This is the first chance since Tuesday I've been able to even turn on my laptop. I flew into San Diego and drove to Yuma for a night and now I'm back in San Diego. I have to say the weather is fine, a mild 70 degrees in Yuma. The desert was beautiful and I was able to see a whole lot of it during the drive. I'm heading home tomorrow thankfully.

Christmas was nice, the kids really had a blast, but there is always a little part of me that's glad it's over. It's always so stressful and busy.

I would love to take advantage of the San Diego nightlife but I don't have it in me. I just want to get home.

People are yelling outside my hotel room. They sound drunk and I hope they aren't staying next to me. God, I'm getting old.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. I hope you've all been good boys and girls and Santa brings you all you deserve.

Flying Angel by Gerrit Greve

Tuesday, December 20, 2005


i stand over you
you're on your knees, head down in supplication
your body trembles with the need to be dominant
i watch the sweat trickle down your muscular back
this exchange of power is a heady thing
i touch your chin and lift your face to mine
i see lust and vulnerability in your eyes
i want your touch
your mouth
i lift my leg over your shoulder
without words you take
control, power, dominance

Friday, December 16, 2005


I am a firm believer in constant and open communication. Now I said, I'm a firm believer; I never said I practice constant and open communication. This is what I strive for everyday. I struggle with communicating my wants, my dreams, my goals in life. I will find my voice, I must find it or I will always be lacking.

Movement, objects, speech, and words.
We communication through gross symbols.
We call them "objective,"
But we cannot escape our point of view.
~365 Tao

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Five Weird Habits...

I was tagged by The Zombie Lama....

The 1st player of this "game" starts with the topic "5 weird habits of yourself" and people who get tagged need to write a blog entry about their 5 weird habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next 5 people to be tagged and list their names.

1. I always drink my tall nonfat latte from a straw (try it, you won't burn your tongue).

2. Every morning I hit my snooze on my alarm 3 times. No more, no less.

3. I eat burrito's with a knife and fork.

4. I watch the Food Network a lot, but hate to cook.

5. Last but not least of my weird habits is BLOGGING. Oh, yes it is a very addicting habit and I must get my fix everyday.

I tag: WDKY, Mad Munkey, Chuck, K.D. and Zoozan.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Smile In Your Sleep

I was recently reminded how much I like this artist. Here are just a few of my favorites by Jack Vettriano.

Wishing you an amazing day.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Why Bother?

I spent a good part of my day yesterday shopping. I took the kids to see Santa. This was the first year neither cried about being forced into the arms of a very scary stranger in red with an odd looking scraggly beard. Oh, and let's not forget to look at the camera and smile kids. Thankfully, they actually enjoyed themselves this year. Who knew that a visit to Santa could turn your usually loving child into a blood curdling screaming ball of terror. That, my friends, was not in the Parent 101 Handbook.

After my shopping spree, I came home and wanted nothing more than a beer, but was forced back out into the elements. I had a dentist appt. I almost canceled, but knew I was only prolonging the agony by doing so. I mustered all my will and went. Now as you may tell, I am not a fan of said dentist. In fact, I loathe the dentist. I'm not sure why, oh maybe it's because I dislike pain. Hmmmmkay. Sitting in the torture chair while someone sticks sharp objects into my gums is not my idea of a good time. Plus, I have to get the ol' are ya flossing speech every time. Sweet Christ, I'm just going to lie and the dentist knows it so why even ask??? Like I said, all part of the torture. I didn't have any cavities. Yeah, small miracles.

On a positive note, I did buy a candle. The type of candle that you can let burn all the time and won't burn down the house. I am using the candle to remind me that there are people out there who are not as fortunate as am. To be thankful for what I have and to remember those who can't be with their family during this holiday season. When I see this candle out of the corner of my eye, I'll be reminded and that gives me peace.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005


fingers entwined with mine, held strong over my head
mouth on my breast
pounding heart, ragged breath
without conscious thought my body arches to yours in wanton need
i ask you, overwhelm me
fill me
pull me out of the dark
away from ambivalence
allow me a blaze of hope
a moment of escape

Monday, December 05, 2005

My Eyes Burn

I have an appointment with a family counselor tonight. Why, do you ask? I am in the middle of a divorce. My soon to be ex does not want said divorce. He was raised to believe that no matter how horrible the marriage is you stay. We have been to counseling in the past. It didn't help. He blames the counselor. He thinks this new counselor will save the marriage. This is a cycle and I know it. He was an absent husband and father. Oh, he was there physically, meaning spending hours in the garage at the computer, etc. but not in any other way. He didn't abuse me or cheat on me. In his opinion, we had no problems. He was responsible for nothing. Did I allow this and enable him to some extent. Yes, I did. Do I resent him? Yes, I do. He never listened to me when I explained I was unhappy. He just never ever thought I would leave so he never changed his behavior no matter how many times I asked. He has become a different person from the one I married. I don't see that man anymore. Because of this, I have become distant and unemotional. It didn't happen overnight it was slow and painful. He calls me remorseless and relentless.

I don't have the words to express how disappointing and sad this situation has become. I have agreed to meet with this counselor because I have to deal with my soon to be ex for a long time to come. She has agreed to help us learn to communicate through this difficult time and in the future. If it is successful, I will be more than grateful.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Got The Life

I did this silly little quiz today. Interesting... I'm so choosy that men take forever to ask me out?!? I guess it's better than Men See You as Slutty. Or is it?

Men See You As Choosy

Men notice you light years before you notice them
You take a selective approach to dating, and you can afford to be picky
You aren't looking for a quick flirt - but a memorable encounter
It may take men a while to ask you out, but it's worth the wait

I also took this quiz which is kind of funny since I am a product of the 80's.

Your 80s Heartthrob Is
Jason Bateman

Oh, and yes, I'm bored.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Beautiful Daze

First off let me say, "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas"(yes, I had to say it). I had a really great trip even though it was a business trip. This is an adult playground like no other. The luxury of the new hotels vs. the tacky/cheesiness of the old makes for a fascinating city.

We stayed at the Hard Rock Hotel, which is a very cool place to stay and play. Of course all of the rock memorabilia was something to see but the feel of the hotel was hip and modern and quite comfortable. This is sort of off season and it was quiet and I am not complaining. I am complaining about the fact that every casino I gambled at took all my money. Damn, I couldn't win to save my life. So much for buying a Trump Condo on the strip and living the high life.

I am tired! That's what happens when you drink too many Red Bulls and vodka, stay up late and gamble, etc. then get up at 6:30 the next morning and go to work. I'm paying the price today. Is it possible I am getting too old for the weekday partying?!? *cries*

Bottom line: I can't wait to go back.