Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Part 2

It’s been a while and I’m hesitant. I look into your eyes and scan your face trying to remember what I first thought when I met you. Was it your voice that caught me or your outlook on life that attracted me? I was surprised to hear from you and not surprised at all. I wanted to ignore you and continue assuming that you are happy in the choice you made, but so often the choices we make are only comfortable for a moment and life and reality make us second guess.

You pull my hand towards you and I let you take the lead. I lay over you and press my lips you yours. The familiar feelings come rushing back with each kiss, each touch as I let you move to my breast. I hold back. I can’t give you all of me.

I move down your chest my lips tasting and kissing. I remember how you felt the first time. The words you said as we moved together. I push it down this is not about before it’s about now and it’s different this time. I begin to remember you knew how to stroke me in just the right spot. You ask if I missed you and you already know the answer. I don’t want to admit anything that leaves me vulnerable. Self-preservation should not allow it, but when you touch me I can not hide that I missed you deeply.

I do not ask if I will see you again. I really do not want to know, but if you call, I will be here.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Take Care

I feel let down and overwhelmed by…nothing. Nothing I can put my finger on…depression maybe? Considering my life at times I’m not surprised, but it makes me feel weak and I really dislike that feeling.

Do you ever have a day where you just want to pick up the phone and call someone that you know you shouldn’t call…swore you wouldn’t call but are compelled to talk to anyway. I’m having that day. I just want to hear their voice, what’s going on in their life and selfishly talk about what’s going on in mine. It would be a very bad idea. I know they don’t want to talk and all I would end up doing is making an ass out of myself and hugely regretting making the damn call. So I won’t…but dammit I want to.

I feel better now that I wrote that all down. Funny that.

On a more uplifting note, Mother’s Day was very nice. I’m looking at a hand painted jewelry box with glued on jewels and ‘Mom’ written across the top in puffy paint and the best part is when I open it has what my son calls a “love note” a cut out heart with “I Love You, Mom” written on it.

The sweet balance of life…it’s what keeps me going.