I have an appointment with a family counselor tonight. Why, do you ask? I am in the middle of a divorce. My soon to be ex does not want said divorce. He was raised to believe that no matter how horrible the marriage is you stay. We have been to counseling in the past. It didn't help. He blames the counselor. He thinks this new counselor will save the marriage. This is a cycle and I know it. He was an absent husband and father. Oh, he was there physically, meaning spending hours in the garage at the computer, etc. but not in any other way. He didn't abuse me or cheat on me. In his opinion, we had no problems. He was responsible for nothing. Did I allow this and enable him to some extent. Yes, I did. Do I resent him? Yes, I do. He never listened to me when I explained I was unhappy. He just never ever thought I would leave so he never changed his behavior no matter how many times I asked. He has become a different person from the one I married. I don't see that man anymore. Because of this, I have become distant and unemotional. It didn't happen overnight it was slow and painful. He calls me remorseless and relentless.
I don't have the words to express how disappointing and sad this situation has become. I have agreed to meet with this counselor because I have to deal with my soon to be ex for a long time to come. She has agreed to help us learn to communicate through this difficult time and in the future. If it is successful, I will be more than grateful.
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10 comments:
Good luck, Annalis. I sure hope it helps.
Thanks, K.D. I certainly hope it won't hurt.
Annalis, first howdy, and second, cheer up.
For a second I thought I was married to you,it sounds the same as when I was married.Sometimes we men learn a little too late,next time I will pay more attention to my partner.Only difference is we both knew it was done and now get along better than when we were married
That communication is both fiddicult and important, Anna... I hope this helps.
Fiddicult is, of course, derived from difficult. It means "not easy".
AI - Hi, and I'm trying.
Anon - Well, I hope we can get along after this is over. It's pretty bleak right now.
WDKY - Yes, I know communication is important, but it's so frustrating...Gah!
It's about 16 years since I divorced and the first few years were miserable. We've somehow come to a kind of friendship now that I never thought would be possible.
It'll work out annalis
Passivity in men seems to be the downfall of many marriages. It's like a steady drip that slowly erodes. It's usually fear in some form brings men there. Although you effect him, it's not up to you to rescue him.
I'm encouraged that you're going to counseling for the long term effect on where the relationship goes.
Zoozan - Encouraging words, thank you.
Chuck - Thank you for your insight. I believe it will absolutely help me, not sure about the ex yet.
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