Conundrum

When I first realized that I was ‘going through a divorce’ the reality of it hit me hard. I felt like hunkering down and licking my wounds. I did an amazing amount of self-reflection and had sort of a pity party, myself being the only invitee. Now, I feel like having one big house party. It’s far from over, but it’s on the horizon. I find I’m feeling a bit guilty about it. The guilt comes from knowing my children will be changed by this and not being able to predict how and in what ways.

I still go through little bouts of ugly. Especially after long and painful conversations with the ex. I believe I’ve said this before, but how the hell did I end up with him. I was just reading a similar sentiment in WDKY’s blog and couldn’t agree more. What does this say about my judgment and more importantly will I make the same mistake again? I became blind and an enabler (according to our therapist). I wanted to pretend everything was fine so instead of voicing my concerns I pretended they didn’t exist. When they became too bad to deal with any longer my ex simply didn’t believe I would ever do anything about it. He was wrong. It’s been a long road.

I am fortunate to have many fellow bloggers out there that have gone through similar experiences. And as the old saying goes misery loves company…but I must say the best part of reading other folks experiences is that a lot have come through better for it or at least having learned how to move forward and be strong. Thank you!