My days have been crazed or should I say I’ve been distracted. It wasn’t a distraction I was looking for either. It came out of nowhere and wholly took over. I’ve since come to my senses and have perspective, which is so very important. I don’t do well with the unknown or those nasty have no control over feelings and experiences…especially when it’s not going my way. Does this make any sense? You know what? I don’t care. This is a brain dump. I’ve been sort of fucked up lately and it’s been messing with my mind and when my mind is messed up everything else becomes less important. It’s a vicious cycle and one I have no patience with. I’ve got way too much going on in my life to allow any type of distraction to do damage. Oh, and if you haven’t guessed, yes this is about a man. A man I have realized wasn’t worth all this BS.
When I meet a man that I feel any chemistry and attraction to I tend to jump in headfirst. I dive right in without much thought. This is rather immature and usually causes some pretty spectacular results. Whether good or bad it’s intense.
After my failed marriage, I was so starved for attention and human touch I would leap into relationships (if you can even call it that) that I knew were destined to fail just for the distraction. Now this doesn’t mean I didn’t care for these men that were caught up in my dysfunction. I just knew they would fizzle because my head was in the wrong space for anything mature and long term. In fact, I would only seek out the ‘friends with benefits’ type of deal. Safe…right! (hey, I already confessed to being immature). Well, it’s safe as long as both folks can keep their emotions in check. This works sometimes and sometimes it can suck the life out of you.
So, where does this leave me? Nowhere, really. I’m seeing a couple of guys, neither is serious. I find that if I see more than one man at the same time I don’t get caught up. Don’t judge…it has it’s perks. Especially if you’re a sex loving fiend like moi.
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9 comments:
Oh yeah, very familiar with that! It is difficult struggling with so many emotions and feelings all unleashed for the first time in years. It can get very overwhelming sometimes. Just hang in there and keep your head on. :)
Anna, don't let the Scorpio in you get the best of you.
I think you're too hard on yourself... I suspect that it's not so much a question of immaturity, more of where you are in your life right now. Things tend to fall into place if as and when you let tem.
Have a lovely weekend.
Ooops - "...as and when you let them."
Art - I will hang on and enjoy the ride... :)
AI - Thanks for stopping by...this Scorpio loves your comments!
WDKY - Have I told you how happy I am that your back? What, I have? Well, let me say it again...happy, happy, happy! You have a great weekend as well.
I can sympathize, I find that the easiest way for me to not get too attached is to date 2-4 people at a time. But the catch for me is that i can't sleep with them. Any of them. Otherwise, I get all f'ed up in the head about it.
Which begs the question of how long you can rationally date several people at once without either 1) getting attached or 2) giving up the pink.
A question I haven't been able to answer.
p.s. if you want to read my blog, anna, e-mail me at pillars_of_color@yahoo.com.
It's your life do whats best for you!
Hey Spill,
Yes, an excellent question...if you figure it out please let me know!
Paul Joe - I try...I try.
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