Thrive

The feel of your chest beneath my hands
Warm, strong and lovely
I ride
Moving slowly, taking my pleasure
My head thrown back with breasts thrust forward
I rock
For a moment, I’m alone
A hand in my hair brings me back to you
A rough thrust
I shudder and collapse
My hair hides our faces
A kiss of awe and gratitude
I thrive

a sucker born every day

I truly feel like an idiot today. I am a total fucking dimwit …yes, dimwit is weak, but it’s all I can come up with right now. I may deserve harsher words but I’m not totally to blame…in fact I shouldn’t blame myself at all. I was lied to and I wholly believed. I wanted to believe…hell, I still want to believe, and that’s why I’m beating myself up over it. I’ve prided myself on being intuitive…guess I’ve lost that skill. Fuck. Me.

Oh well...back on the horse.

Spread me open
What do you see?
My body is what I offer
My heart is my own
Take your fill
I give it freely

Live, love, laugh and have lots and lots of sex…

My days have been crazed or should I say I’ve been distracted. It wasn’t a distraction I was looking for either. It came out of nowhere and wholly took over. I’ve since come to my senses and have perspective, which is so very important. I don’t do well with the unknown or those nasty have no control over feelings and experiences…especially when it’s not going my way. Does this make any sense? You know what? I don’t care. This is a brain dump. I’ve been sort of fucked up lately and it’s been messing with my mind and when my mind is messed up everything else becomes less important. It’s a vicious cycle and one I have no patience with. I’ve got way too much going on in my life to allow any type of distraction to do damage. Oh, and if you haven’t guessed, yes this is about a man. A man I have realized wasn’t worth all this BS.

When I meet a man that I feel any chemistry and attraction to I tend to jump in headfirst. I dive right in without much thought. This is rather immature and usually causes some pretty spectacular results. Whether good or bad it’s intense.

After my failed marriage, I was so starved for attention and human touch I would leap into relationships (if you can even call it that) that I knew were destined to fail just for the distraction. Now this doesn’t mean I didn’t care for these men that were caught up in my dysfunction. I just knew they would fizzle because my head was in the wrong space for anything mature and long term. In fact, I would only seek out the ‘friends with benefits’ type of deal. Safe…right! (hey, I already confessed to being immature). Well, it’s safe as long as both folks can keep their emotions in check. This works sometimes and sometimes it can suck the life out of you.

So, where does this leave me? Nowhere, really. I’m seeing a couple of guys, neither is serious. I find that if I see more than one man at the same time I don’t get caught up. Don’t judge…it has it’s perks. Especially if you’re a sex loving fiend like moi.