Crash

Am I half full or half empty? I am a person who is not whole. I failed something or someone. Mainly myself. Why, why, why do I feel like this? I alone forge the path. I alone walk ahead. Make the most of my day, week, year. I have power. I am empowered. Talk the talk but can’t walk the walk. I am boring and bored and each day brings more of the same. If I had an outlet, I would scream, wail, weep until I felt no more. Each beat of my pulse moving me toward a unforeseen goal. The light is just illumination. It is no brighter today than yesterday. I will not move a muscle. Lazy, lazy, lazy is my way. How can one be full without purpose? I sit on my hands waiting for someone to bring it to me. I am not lost just gone astray. My path is covered in weeds. If I run I’ll never live. If I don’t run, I’ll freeze. What part of me wants the calm? Do I need chaos? Do I crave the unattainable just to fail? Why is this so awe-inspiring yet undermining? Move forward and don’t look back at the crash. It is over and gone. My life understated.