Part 2

It’s been a while and I’m hesitant. I look into your eyes and scan your face trying to remember what I first thought when I met you. Was it your voice that caught me or your outlook on life that attracted me? I was surprised to hear from you and not surprised at all. I wanted to ignore you and continue assuming that you are happy in the choice you made, but so often the choices we make are only comfortable for a moment and life and reality make us second guess.

You pull my hand towards you and I let you take the lead. I lay over you and press my lips you yours. The familiar feelings come rushing back with each kiss, each touch as I let you move to my breast. I hold back. I can’t give you all of me.

I move down your chest my lips tasting and kissing. I remember how you felt the first time. The words you said as we moved together. I push it down this is not about before it’s about now and it’s different this time. I begin to remember you knew how to stroke me in just the right spot. You ask if I missed you and you already know the answer. I don’t want to admit anything that leaves me vulnerable. Self-preservation should not allow it, but when you touch me I can not hide that I missed you deeply.

I do not ask if I will see you again. I really do not want to know, but if you call, I will be here.

Take Care

I feel let down and overwhelmed by…nothing. Nothing I can put my finger on…depression maybe? Considering my life at times I’m not surprised, but it makes me feel weak and I really dislike that feeling.

Do you ever have a day where you just want to pick up the phone and call someone that you know you shouldn’t call…swore you wouldn’t call but are compelled to talk to anyway. I’m having that day. I just want to hear their voice, what’s going on in their life and selfishly talk about what’s going on in mine. It would be a very bad idea. I know they don’t want to talk and all I would end up doing is making an ass out of myself and hugely regretting making the damn call. So I won’t…but dammit I want to.

I feel better now that I wrote that all down. Funny that.

On a more uplifting note, Mother’s Day was very nice. I’m looking at a hand painted jewelry box with glued on jewels and ‘Mom’ written across the top in puffy paint and the best part is when I open it has what my son calls a “love note” a cut out heart with “I Love You, Mom” written on it.

The sweet balance of life…it’s what keeps me going.

Promiscuous Girl

Well…it’s been awhile since I’ve had anything to write here. In fact, I still don’t have anything to write…just thought I should post a little something since it’s been so long.

Things are going well. Life goes on, etc, etc. I feel good and smell good so that counts for something.

I have plans to go to Las Vegas the end of May. I’m truly excited about getting out of town. It isn’t my dream vacation but it’s a vacation nonetheless and I’ll take it…and you know what they say…”what happens in Vegas….blah blah blah. Every time I mention to someone that I’m going I get that line thrown at me… am I that transparent? :)

My sex life was really good there for a while but has since petered out. There is something to be said for regular sex. My last partner liked kink and damn…I’m going to miss it. My inner slut was so happy. So do I take a break or go searching for my next fling? Maybe I’ll see if my next fling will find me. Good thing I love my vibrator…

Thrive

The feel of your chest beneath my hands
Warm, strong and lovely
I ride
Moving slowly, taking my pleasure
My head thrown back with breasts thrust forward
I rock
For a moment, I’m alone
A hand in my hair brings me back to you
A rough thrust
I shudder and collapse
My hair hides our faces
A kiss of awe and gratitude
I thrive

a sucker born every day

I truly feel like an idiot today. I am a total fucking dimwit …yes, dimwit is weak, but it’s all I can come up with right now. I may deserve harsher words but I’m not totally to blame…in fact I shouldn’t blame myself at all. I was lied to and I wholly believed. I wanted to believe…hell, I still want to believe, and that’s why I’m beating myself up over it. I’ve prided myself on being intuitive…guess I’ve lost that skill. Fuck. Me.

Oh well...back on the horse.

Spread me open
What do you see?
My body is what I offer
My heart is my own
Take your fill
I give it freely

Live, love, laugh and have lots and lots of sex…

My days have been crazed or should I say I’ve been distracted. It wasn’t a distraction I was looking for either. It came out of nowhere and wholly took over. I’ve since come to my senses and have perspective, which is so very important. I don’t do well with the unknown or those nasty have no control over feelings and experiences…especially when it’s not going my way. Does this make any sense? You know what? I don’t care. This is a brain dump. I’ve been sort of fucked up lately and it’s been messing with my mind and when my mind is messed up everything else becomes less important. It’s a vicious cycle and one I have no patience with. I’ve got way too much going on in my life to allow any type of distraction to do damage. Oh, and if you haven’t guessed, yes this is about a man. A man I have realized wasn’t worth all this BS.

When I meet a man that I feel any chemistry and attraction to I tend to jump in headfirst. I dive right in without much thought. This is rather immature and usually causes some pretty spectacular results. Whether good or bad it’s intense.

After my failed marriage, I was so starved for attention and human touch I would leap into relationships (if you can even call it that) that I knew were destined to fail just for the distraction. Now this doesn’t mean I didn’t care for these men that were caught up in my dysfunction. I just knew they would fizzle because my head was in the wrong space for anything mature and long term. In fact, I would only seek out the ‘friends with benefits’ type of deal. Safe…right! (hey, I already confessed to being immature). Well, it’s safe as long as both folks can keep their emotions in check. This works sometimes and sometimes it can suck the life out of you.

So, where does this leave me? Nowhere, really. I’m seeing a couple of guys, neither is serious. I find that if I see more than one man at the same time I don’t get caught up. Don’t judge…it has it’s perks. Especially if you’re a sex loving fiend like moi.